Indra

25/02/2008 - 25/05/2008
February 29th 2008
I arrived at the monastery. My mother suggested I walk. Well she did seal my powers on my request. So I started from the bottom of the mountain until I reached the very tip. I admit I cheated from time to time because I had majority of my powers sealed, but not all. Hey, I said I would be a monk not a freaking forest survivor expert.

I’ve been here for only a day and it’s so quiet that sometimes I feel as though I’m deaf. Now I know why the monks like to meditate near waterfalls or deep in the forest. The noises are soothing.

March 12th 2008
So I had to do this fasting thing. They wanted me to starve myself into oblivion. Not true, I’m over exaggerating. But it’s not like I can die by starvation. While I was delirious they shaved me bald! Yes, I know that my head needs to be shaved, but still, I’d like to know what happened to my hair. Shaving your head in most Asian societies signify the liberation of karma from your past life. But seeing as I only lived one life and I would like karma to bite me in my ass, I would have insisted on keeping my hair.

I’m starved and bald; the Ethiopian look really suits me. Alright, that wasn’t very becoming of a monk. So I’ll stop.

April 30th 2008
I killed a cockroach today. The little bugger was flying around during dinner time; which isn’t different from breakfast or lunch. The meals are simple servings of some rice with vegetables or fruits and some warm tea or cool water. Anyways, back to what I was saying…so the roach is flying around being disgusting and it lands on the table. So I took my sandal off and smashed the sucker.

An echoing of gasps sound throughout the place and everyone’s eyes are focused on my sandal. I pulled the sandal off the table and scraped the bug guts on the ground. It seemed even more so unusually quiet so I asked what was up and the elder shook his head at me and said all living things had the right to live and who was I to take away that right?

Well fu-dge…I forgot about that. So I’m not allowed to kill anything…I think I can do that. But I swear if I see a centipede or anything resembling it, bastard is meeting my sandal of death.

May 22nd 2008
I wake up at the crack of dawn. Funny saying. It’s almost like I’m gaping at Surya’s ass. Right, couldn’t pay me to do that. And I go to bed pretty late. This is all after I do my chores. And for people who don’t have lives, they sure find manual labor to be fun. If we aren’t building a garden in a day or a freaking Rome in a week, we are meditating.

They are sick. They expect me to sit under a waterfall to freeze my ass off, to learn concentration. The only thing I’m thinking is if my balls will be alright. Or they make me climb to the VERY top of a mountain. Looking down is freaking frightening to say the least. They want you to balance and the wind that high up blows pretty hard. If I wasn’t immortal, I’d have a few complaints to all their self-inflicted pain.

Moving on…today I’ve met a young boy named Raj who said he grew up with the monks since he was two. He looks about 14 now. But he said he’ll help me out if I’ll be his friend.

Its fun talking to him. But we have to talk quietly and usually in secret. I tell him Hindu stories and he tells me about ‘the way of the monks’. Hopefully with his help I won’t fu-dge up too much this time. And also I’ll get to learn how to breathe in through one nostril and out the other at the same time. Something that motivated me to becoming a monk in the first place. Not to mention the whole, humming several different octaves at the same time is pretty cool too.

26/05/2008 - 26/08/2008
June 2008:
Summer time is hot. Unbelievably hot. And up where I am…the air is thinner. But no one is allowed to complain. I really need to get a list of these unwritten laws. NO killing ANYTHING, NO complaining, NO talking, Sleep late at night, Wake up at some godforsaken hour…and lets not forget the NO shouting and definitely NO swearing.

There’s a lot of ‘NO’s up there. Anyways, there isn’t much we do now since it is so hot. Often we meditate, and now if I’m lucky I’ll be sent to the waterfall to do so. As always, I’m helping out in the gardens, tending to the crops.

August 2008:
So…I’m in big trouble. Towards the ending of July we started an early harvest of the rotational crops. Don’t ask me what the heck that means. Usually I just stand and nod my head when they talk about such manual stuff. I stand, observe and copy. Monkey see, monkey do (no offense to be taken, Kichin). Well they just leave me there and say ‘harvest’. So what do I do? I start pulling plants out and throwing them into the basket. Well…seemingly as no one told me, I’m supposed to dig the suckers out. Otherwise parts of the roots break off. And that is a waste of food.

Of course I’m told this when I’m just about done. Now, ask what I did for the first two weeks of August? That’s right, try to find every single spot a plant was growing out of and dig to see if anymore of the root crop was somewhere in the dirt. Somehow I regret having my mother seal my powers.

On the note of my mother, she asked if I wanted to go to Amrita Shanna’s birthday. To which she wanted me to say no because of my ‘monkly’ responsibilities. I did tell her to bring me back some food. To which she didn’t even reply in her annoyance with me.

27/08/2008 - 27/11/2008
September 2008:
What is there to say? I’m busy being an indentured slave to these sadists in the guises of monks. I bet they fantasize about cracking a whip over my head and going ‘faster!’ Most of these men make me wonder what they are doing here.

Raj knows a little something about each man. He even claims one of the men is wanted for multiple murders. And that he was so overcome with remorse of his actions that he became a monk in repentance. *shrugs* Sounds familiar…

October 2008:
Absolutely amazing. These people actually rest. When harvest is done, they just sit around and mediate. It’s almost scary to be so…not busy. Although it is getting really cold up in the mountains. Great…I have an inkling of what I’ll be doing this winter. Keeping the crops from getting frostbite.

November 2008:
Refer to last diary entry. Since I am considered to be of a ‘hardy lot’ I get to watch over the crops during the coldest time of winter…yay me.

28/11/2008 - 28/02/2009
December 2008:
Freezing my glutinous maximus outside during the nights. That is when the temperature drops even more. Ever seen Walking in the Clouds? Where they had to keep the grapes warm? Well that is me. Standing watch all night, making sure none of the crops catch on fire nor does the fire get out of control. Do I even get extra food to supply me with the strength to keep watch? No.

January 2009:
The weather isn’t so bad anymore. After a couple weeks out in the freezing cold, I’ve grown accustomed to it. It’s like the summers with the intensive heat. After awhile you can’t feel the burning of your skin…its just heavy pressure put on you. Out in the cold you’re just numb. You don’t feel the coldness, just a buzzing numbness. Anyway, the crops are all in the green so to speak so I can go back to my hay mattress and single thread count blanket…

February 2009:
Actually, I’ll finally admit that I’m starting to get homesick. But I made a commitment and each time I remind myself why I’m here, I realize I really haven’t changed all that much. And that is disappointing. As much as I have grown to accept everyone here, I find that I am holding myself back. While I follow their orders, I make a mockery of them in my head. Their faces always reflect such simplicity and behind my eyes gears grate out nasty words. I guess if I really am on the road to redemption, I need to make a better effort. So that means I’m going to stop running from it. Whatever it is. Still haven’t figured that part out yet either.

01/03/2009 - 01/06/2009
March 2009:
So I’ve been trying really, really hard to change myself. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to be changing. Now I sound like I’m complaining. I do know what I’m supposed to change, but I don’t know how. Currently there isn’t much to do at the monastery. Its been raining a lot so we are on the look out of flooding, but other than that I’m getting kind of bored. Which is sick because I’d prefer to be doing manual labor right now.

April 2009:
I contemplated doing some April Fool’s day joke on the monks here. But seeing as none of them really have a sense of humor, I had to forego it. I told Raj about it and he said I should have done it. But the kid told me he wouldn’t take blame for it. So my hair has gotten pretty long and I know I’m supposed to be maintaining my bald head…but how do I do that? I haven’t seen a razor lying around. Do they expect me to go sharpen a rock or something? There was another guy who came in a couple weeks ago and he tore all his hair out to show his dedication. Damn…I’m glad that I fell unconscious and they shaved my head…wait…did they tear out my hair while I was knocked out?

May 2009:
The raining isn’t so bad anymore and we’ve gone back to harvesting our spring crops and start planting our summer crops. I’m actually looking forward to it this time around…well not really looking forward to winter time.

02/06/2009 - 02/09/2009
June 2009:
I’m melting! I can handle heat, but I’ll start complaining when it’s humid. Doing the same thing. But I don’t know, the more I don’t try to remind myself why I’m here, the easier it is for me to feel at peace with myself. Then I start remembering and whatever little bit of peace I felt is gone. Well I have to make this short. My turn for rotational crops. And HAH! I remember not to tear the suckers out like I did last time.

July 2009:
Prepare for starving…some worm thing got into our crops. The monks take it as a sign to fast. I’m tempted to ask my mother to bring us some food. Some of these men don’t look like they can survive not eating. I’ll see how things go.

August 2009:
One of the elder monks died. Everyone says it’s from old age and looking at him, I can believe that. But it’s still hard to think he’s gone. The man was the one who bossed me around all the time. I’m going to miss him. I know there is no time to mourn him because of our last crop failure; we have to ensure the coming season’s crops will do well. And I know these men would not be able to survive winter with no food.

And I said a prayer of well being for Amrita Shanna on the 31st. I think being here is good for me. I’m finally being able to let go.

03/09/2009 - 03/12/2009
September 2009:
Raj has gotten sick. He went out early to meditate and ended up getting sick because it has been unusually cold. A harsh winter will be coming. It will be hard to keep the crops warm. I sat with Raj while he tossed and turned in his fever induced sleep. He was given some herbal medicine and warm tea. Sometimes Raj says the strangest things in his nightmares.

October 2009:
Not only is it cold, but extremely wind too. We’re all doing our best to protect the crops. But none of them consider skipping a prayer session to watch over the crops. Which is stupid to say the least. If the crops failed this time around, they would all starve to death.

November 2009:
I killed a man. Raj and I were supposed to have crop duty together. He didn’t show up so I went to see what happened to him. I heard crying as I neared Raj’s room. When I opened the door, there was one of the older monks standing over Raj’s naked and beaten body.

I closed the door behind me softly and went over to the man. The look on his face disgusted me. So high and mighty. Because he was one of the elders he thought I wouldn’t do anything. I reached out, grabbed his head between my hands and broke his neck. Immediately I went over to Raj and he cowered away from me in the corner. Then I noticed all the scars on his back and I wish I hadn’t killed the man so quickly.

I talked to Raj quietly, until he talked back to me. I asked him how long it had been going on. Six fucking years. Raj was barely 9! We took the body and laid it on the bottom of a cliff. The next morning the body was found and everyone assumed the elder had fallen off the cliff and broken his neck. I didn’t go to the funeral nor did I pray for that man. Instead, Raj and I took a long walk in the mountains and told everyone we had gotten lost to explain our disappearance and why we were not at the wake.

Raj promises me that none of the other monks ever touched him and the other monks are good men. Which meant I didn’t have to kill anyone else.

04/12/2009 - 04/03/2010
December 2009:
I watch Raj while he and I are on crop duty…and started to blame myself. How could I not see the pain he was going through? Was he really that good in covering it up? I never once suspected Raj’s life being anything but simple and clean. How wrong I was. But he smiled everyday. And he laughed with me. I had never seen anything but cheerfulness from him the day I arrived here. So I watched him and I realized I had never really seen him smile or heard him laugh until today.

I’ve come to care a lot for Raj. He’s like a little brother I’ve never had. And it’s terrifying to feel responsible for another life. In light of everything that happened, my guilt in regards to Gehnasis came tearing to the forefront again. And I’ve realized just how badly I had wronged her. Being here is possibly the best thing I’ve done for myself.

January 2010:
I’ve dedicated myself to becoming better. I’ve stopped complaining about mediocre things. I’ve been reflecting and seeing how selfish and blessed I was. And I took it all for granted.

February 2010:
I haven’t realized how much time passed. I’ve been gone from Svarga for nearly two and a half years. I’ve begun to meditate on more specific details of my life. Starting with what I did to Gehnasis.

March 2010:
Eventually I will have to tell her. I’ve been able to liberate myself, but I cannot do so completely until I confront Gehnasis face to face. Whenever that will be. I expect I will be here for a long while.

05/03/2010 - 05/06/2010
April 2010:
More people have arrived at the monastery to become monks. I just found out that Raj first came to the monastery on April 23rd. So I had my mother bring me some sweets and Raj and I celebrated April 23rd as his birthday since neither of us knows when he was really born.

But Raj saved his candy and tells me he will eat it on November 5th. The day I killed that man. Its hard to believe he will be about 16 next year.

May 2010:
As much as I miss Svarga, I really like it here in the mountains. It’s relaxing and it gives me a lot of time to meditate. All the time in the world really. And it’s just what I need. I have a sickening feeling that I’ll have to leave here one day to talk to Gehnasis. But will I return here? If I did, I’d have to age myself. Or I could leave and return every 100 years.

06/06/2010 - 06/09/2010
June 2010:
This summer has started off relatively pleasant. The winds keep it from getting too hot and it hasn’t been all that humid. Working out in the gardens isn’t so much of a chore this time around. I actually enjoy it.

July 2010:
I have been able to see into myself and find the things that I do not like. So I’m making an effort to confront those parts of me and figure out how I can learn to forgive myself. They say that finding redemption can come in doing good deeds. But I don’t think I could ever attain so many good deeds to cancel out my bad ones.

August 2010:
Raj and I have been meditating together and I more or less told him about what I did to Gehnasis. Of course I didn’t get into depth or tell him it was over 2300 years ago. I just told him that I was desperately in love with this woman and she rejected me. So I sought my revenge by ruining her life. But everything I did ended up helping her in the long run because now she is happier than she’s ever been.

Raj, like a friend usually does, took my side and said well I did help her in the long run so I should stop blaming myself. But he doesn’t know exactly how I hurt Gehnasis.

07/09/2010 - 07/12/2010
September 2010:
I’m falling into this monkhood pretty well now. Of course Raj and I sneak off to talk story, but that’s really the only rule I’m breaking. I’ve stopped swearing. Instead I’ve come up with other ways to describe things, which is a lot more fun I have to say. For example, I came across a snake in the gardens yesterday. And instead of screaming the first thing that came to mind, I shouted ‘green blades of grass!’ That made Raj laugh and I ended up laughing too…after I got a safe distance away from the harmless garden snake.

October 2010:
I snuck Raj out with me into the small village below. We had a lot of fun. Unfortunately we had to stop our trips down there because we got found out. Of course the monks don’t beat us or anything, just kind of shake their heads at us, disappointed. And I kind of wished they had hit me instead.

November 2010:
Since Raj and I felt bad for sneaking out to the village, we decided to take the initiative and watch over the crops. Lucky for us it wasn’t too cold. Not that I’m saying it wasn’t cold. But its not like I’m complaining either.

8th 12 2010 - 24th 02 2011
December 2010:
We were able to harvest a lot of food. As the winter was harsh last year, it was relatively mild this year. So there is a lot of food in back up storage.

January 2011:
My mother wishes I return to Svarga. Gehnasis almost killed Surya. It took Virabhadra in his demon state to stop Gehnasis from succeeding. I wonder what happened…

Instead, Surya was exiled, his god powers stripped and Arani has been called to take Surya’s place. If she accepts, she will receive Surya’s powers.

I am in the middle of helping with the winter harvest and spring planting, so I told my mother I would return after I fulfilled my responsibilities. I am debating whether to ask Raj if he wants to come with me.

February 2011:
I told Raj that I was leaving and asked if he wanted to come with me. I didn’t tell him where, merely asked if he cared to follow. He immediately told me he wanted to follow so I guess I’m bringing my baby brother home with me. Aditi did not like that idea at all but I told her, hey Surya’s gone, that technically opens up a spot right?